An Interview with Effaline Maloney

Effaline’s comment yesterday made me realize that we should have a sibling week! In honor of the first ever Theodosia’s Sibling Week, Effie agreed to stop by and do an interview. Be sure and read all the way to the end to find out about this week’s contest!!

1. So just how bossy IS your big sister, Effie?

OMIDOG! (I’m not allowed to say OMIGOD, in case you’re wondering.) My big sister is SO bossy that I call her Bosszilla. She is an offishal bossaholic. She is SO bossy that she says you can’t read any of my books. And, when she finds out I’m talking to you here, her eyes will start spinning in oposite directions and smoke will come shooting right out her nose!! She could come after you, Theo, and all your readers too! Better look out!

2. Is it true you almost got hit by lightening? Can you tell us about that?

That is a very long story, so here is a text message version. My best friend, Phil, and me are practicing texting so we can snoop our sisters messages. Here goes–
I nEdD som monE fst & so DIS disgusting guy @ skul sed hed GIV me som monE f I wud shO my ded grandpa’s ashes 2 som grOs boiz bt thN my skul principal caught us & I had 2 run outside 2 git awA nd ther wz a terrible storm & I grabbed a flagpole & lightning hit it & my principal grabbed me & knocked me 2 d ground b4 I got killed!

3. Is your friend Donal as touchy/huffy as my friend Will?

No, he isn’t touchy. Does huffy mean does he have asma? I know a fifth grader that has that and he is very huffy. And he has a puffer he uses. Donal is just weird because he always wants to hang out with us girls. I wish he was more like Will! I could have used a sneaky pickpocket. My sister stole money from our Angel Scout treasury and I needed someone who could get it back!! Will would have been very handy to have-haha! Get it? :

Donal is from Ireland and I bet he and Will would NOT get along. Irish people are very mad at English people for stealing all their potatoes during the Potato Famine back in the olden days. You would definitly not want to bring that up with my dead grandpa.

But Will and Donal have something HUGE in common! You can hardly ever understand what they are saying when they talk!

You know how Will calls boys blokes? Donal calls them lads or sometimes boyos. And instead of saying Blimey! like Will, Donal says Janey Mack! I don’t know who Janey Mack is but Donal must not like her because he is using her like a swear word. (I wonder if she knows!) But its not the kind of swearing that gets him in trouble with our teacher, Mr. Giles. Like when he says bloody — that’s bad. Hey, I just thought of something, Theo. My teacher, Mrs. Giles is from England! Do you know him? He has a lot hair growing out of his ears, so if you ever meet him, talk L-O-U-D! And don’t even bring up anything about the Panama Canal. He starts talking about it and you’ll never get him to stop. Sticky Will should maybe steal his tongue. OMIDOG!

4. I’m very curious about schools, as I’ve never found one that I liked. Do you like going to school? What do you like about it?

The only thing good about school is that you get to see your best friends there. PERIOD. Oh, and I like my Principal. I get to go talk to her whenever I want and she has chocolates in her drawers (in her desk, not in her you-know-whats!) which she shares with me.

5. Do you find it easy to make friends there? (I think it would be lovely to have a friend, as I’ve never had what you could call a proper friend.)

It took me a long time after my best friend Lola Joe moved to Pensacola to find a new friend. My dad is in the joint so a lot of girls acted like I had serious criminal cooties. Especially Kayla Quintana who I wish you would put one of those scary spells on! Donal says Kayla has a tongue that would clip a hedge. That means she has a very smart alecky mouth!

Anyway, now I have two best friends! Theo, I know we don’t live by each other, but I think we could still be proper friends! What do you think?

6. What about sports? At the school I went to, if you weren’t good at
sports, they picked on you horribly. I’m not very good at sports. Are you?

I am horrible at sports, Theo. And my mom is a sorta famous coach in Texas. It’s embarasing. My number two best friend Aurora Triboni is a whiz at basketball. She’s always trying to teach me but I’m really bad. I like snooping better. That’s why I think we should be friends. You are VERY snoopy, I’ve noticed. NOI! (No offense intended!)

7. Have you ever been to a museum? Did you like it? Did you notice anything different that the adults around you didn’t seem to notice?

I want to the Lone Star Museum in San Antonio. Lone Star is the most famous beer in Texas. My dead grandpa took me and my mom found out and he nearly got grounded for it. We ate Jackalope burgers and armadillo fries which were delishus. (Help, Theo! I always forget how to spell that last word.)

I didn’t notice any evil spirits on any of the cool stuff they had there like you do-you are so lucky, Theo! There were a just a lot of dead animals hanging on the walls. I just felt sorry for them and wished I could take them down.

One thing I noticed that the adults didn’t seem to notice is that once they had too many free samples of Lone Star beer, they got really LOUD and forgot to use their indoor voices!

I really liked coming over to your blog, Theo! Thank you for inviting me!

Your new PFF (Proper Friend Forever!),
Effeline Maloney

P.S. I have a cat named Pretty Girl who is all white– and Isis is all black. Pretty Girl used to be mean and now she is nice. Freaky, huh?

P.P.S. Remind me to tell you about about Booger Boy someday. He’s like Clive Fagenbush, only he is a kid and he collects very disgusting things.


In honor of Sibling Week, the prize will be a signed copy of Effaline Maloney’s newest book, 10 LUCKY THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME SINCE I ALMOST GOT HIT BY LIGHTNING. written by Mary Hershey and starring Effaline Maloney.

In the comments*, post what the nicest, bossiest, silliest, funniest, goofiest, or craziest thing your sibling has ever done. Tell about a time when one of your siblings was SO bossy, or SO nice, or SO funny…You can only enter once, so be sure and spend a few days thinking about the one story you want to tell. If you don’t have any siblings, you can use a story about a cousin or a pet.

The contest will run for one week and ends Sunday, August 17 at 9:00 pm PST. The winner will be announced Monday morning so you all don’t have to stay up past your bedtime! :-)

*Remember not to post any personally identifying information as those Serpents of Chaos are everywhere and we don’t want them to be able to track you down!

24 Responses to “An Interview with Effaline Maloney”

  1. Kaitlyn Says:

    Ok this is hard. Here goes.

    The nicest, bossiest,silliest, funniest, goofiest, craziest thing my sister has ever done (which I don’t get, honestly) is:

    ok, I’ll do mine later, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever written down, so give me some time, k? thanks!

    P.S. i don’t really get this contest. help me!

  2. Kaitlyn Says:

    can I choose one? I don’t really get how something can be bossy, silly, funny, goofy, AND crazy at the same time!

  3. Theodosia Says:

    I’m so sorry, Kaitlyn! I meant for you to pick one! I went back in and added the word OR, does that help?

    No wonder you were confused…

  4. :) = happy hannah! Says:

    my sis once 8 cat+dog food. that counts rite?

  5. Theodosia Says:

    Ew. That most definitely counts. Was it wet pet food or kibble??

  6. (Kiki) (Kyra) (Kiyura) Says:

    Oh, this will be GOOD. Man. Let’s see…..well, I need to think it over.

    Also–just checking–you said that “10 lucky..”
    Haha I was confused until I looked at the website….I thought, “Effie’s book? What?”

  7. (Kiki) (Kyra) (Kiyura) Says:

    Ohhh I have it!! But if you find anything I say offensive, I really apologize.

    My brother is 3 years old and about the cutest 3 year old I’ve ever known! Of course, everyone who has a really tiny, sweet, little bro thinks that. Anyway, it was my aunt’s birthday and my family went out for dinner. Everything was fine until dessert. You see, my brother is sadly allergic to dairy and nuts. so he can’t have ice cream. For dessert when we go out, he usually has sorbet. Upon finishing his dinner he immediately asked for sorbet! Sooo, we ordered it and this was the response: “We only have champagne flavor. But I assure you it has no alcohol!”
    The waiter promised us it had no alcohol and relented until we gave in. When it arrived, we discovered the portion was humungo (my word)! He dug into it, though.
    When we left the restaurant we noticed he was stumbling and staggering around a lot. “Nicky, what’s wrong?” I asked worriedly. “What a nice day,” he said woozily. I got really concerned because, first of all, it was like 9:00 pm and pitch black, and second, I was afraid he would fall down and hurt himself.
    “Hurry, get in the car before you fall down!” I told him. “Are you okay?”
    My mom began to realize what was happening. “That sorbet DID have alcohol in it!” she exclaimed, while Nicholas pleasantly commented on the two moons in the sky.
    I went to bed feeling frantic. He had eaten the whole portion of sorbet! Would his brain be damaged? It’s only developing! He’s DRUNK!
    In the morning he seemed fine and everything was okay. I was relieved soo much that he was out of that stage!

    OOkkayy so that was it. It’s really long :( Oh well.
    Theo, are you judging them by the event or the wording?
    That’s all I got; bye!

  8. Luna Says:

    Wow… I think my sibs are too normal… I can’t think of anything… or maybe I’m suffering some kind of memory loss… must be it… THINK LUNA THINK!!!

  9. Kaitlyn Says:

    Ok, mine is:

    We were walking in England or maybe australia. I forget. But here’s the goofy part. My sister knew she wasn’t supposed to do this, but she PICKED UP A CIGARETT and held it from the ground and I think she even put it up to her nose to smell it.

    Ok, that’s not so good, but can you IMAGINE picking up a cigarette from the ground? Ew!~~~

    Well, that’s my entry, thanks theo! :)

  10. Kaitlyn Says:

    Ok, I have a question. Coment, actually.

    I don’t get the prize AT ALL.

    Man, this is the most CONFUSING contest I have EVER entered. :|

  11. Kaitlyn Says:

    Em, theo, I sent you an email, it should be in your inbox.

    Can you reply? Thanks! :)

  12. Kaitlyn Says:

    Hi everyone!

    Wow, that post about your brother was really good, Kyra. It made me wish you had wrote more.

    I put a really good (I hope) idea for a new contest in Theo’s inbox. I hope we do it because a thought about it a long time!

    These are some really good posts! (Ew, did your sis really, Hannah?) =P

    K, bye for now!

  13. Kaitlyn Says:

    :——-) Pinochio!
    :-_______) Nice beard!

  14. Kiki Says:

    Jimmy crack corn and I don’t care
    Jimmy crack corn and I don’t care
    Jimmy crack corn and I don’t care
    (lalala I forget the words)

  15. Theodosia Says:

    Oh Kira! Your poor little brother! I bet your Mum felt awful!

    And Kaitlyn, even Henry’s never done something as disgusting as picking up a cigarette butt! Ew!

  16. Lucia Says:

    my little sister Isabella once washed her hair with hand soap thats all i have and by the way who is effie? sorry i havent been here lately im going to a day camp and im going to a sleepover on thursday and on friday iom going to new jersy (is that how you spell it?) such a busy week!

  17. Lucia Says:

    hi i’m in new jersey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and by the way why are you guys so quiet???????????!!!!!!!!!!! have you all decied to leave this website!!!!!!!!??????????????

  18. Kaitlyn Says:

    Really Theo? That’s amazing, I thought mine was a little plain.

    When wil you post the winner, Theo? :*

  19. Kaitlyn Says:

    Whoops sorry that was supposed to be a smiley. :*)

    Guess it doesn’t work.

    One last good luck to everyone!

  20. Loony Luna Lunya :@) Says:

    I really wish I had something… but… I can’t remember anything..

  21. Kaitlyn Says:


    You know, WE’RE not being quiet, it’s actually YOU who’s dissapeared. NEWS FLASH!!! :D

    Sooooo….who’s the sleepover with? (it should be me but you won’t pick up the PHONE..)

    K, bye!

  22. Anna Says:

    Effie! I read your first book, “My Sister is so Bossy She says You can’t Read this Book” and I loved it!
    I have to read your second book!

  23. Theodosia Says:

    I’ll pass your comments along to Effie, Anna! I’m so glad you’ve read the book. It’s wonderfully funny!

  24. Anna Says:

    It is! I love it!